The Church of Google

 
October 11th, 2006 - Filed under Funny stuff,Recommended Websites by Cristian Mezei
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Google ChurchEver wondered how Google’s church would look like ? I am here to take you into the deepest of our God’s Church.

I have been recently promoted to Minister and I preach at Google’s Church twice a week. If you choose to follow my word, my son, I have to warn you, that unworthy outsiders may persecute you for your religious convictions.

We all know that Google is our God. There’s no doubt about that.


Thou shall listen to our God’s 10 Commandments:

  1. Thou shalt have no other Search Engine before me, neither Yahoo nor Lycos, AltaVista nor Metacrawler. Thou shalt worship only me, and come to Google only for answers.
  2. Thou shalt not build thy own commercial-free Search Engine, for I am a jealous Engine, bringing law suits and plagues against the fathers of the children unto the third and fourth generations.
  3. Thou shalt not use Google as a verb.
  4. Thou shalt remember each passing day and use thy time as an opportunity to gain knowledge of the unknown.
  5. Thou shalt honor thy fellow humans, regardless of gender, sexual orientation or race, for each has invaluable experience and knowledge to contribute toward humankind.
  6. Thou shalt not misspell.
  7. Thou shalt not hotlink.
  8. Thou shalt not plagiarise or take undue credit for others work.
  9. Thou shalt not use reciprocal links nor link farms, for I am a vengeful but fair engine and will diminish thy PageRank. The Google Dance shall cometh.
  10. Thou shalt not manipulate Search Results. Search Engine Optimization is but the work of Microsoft.

I know you always wondered, is there a Google afterlife? Well, my son, by uploading our thoughts and opinions onto the Internet, we live on in Google’s cache even after our death.

Another question that I am certain you would like to ask is if Google is God, who is Satan? Good question, my beloved son, but the answer should be obvious. Satan is quite simply Microsoft.

Please do visit our church more often, my sheep, and learn Google’s word and search faith. As a faithful follower of Google and Her mighty Algorithms, you should already know how to properly search.

Please DO remeber that Googlism DOESN’t hurt people by sending them to Hell. If you reject Google as your God, nothing negative (aside from your search results being crappy) will happen to you.

Philipp, my friend and preaching coleague at the chapel, also wrote about Google’s Church.

Am I Feeling Luckyâ„¢ my son ? NO is the answer. What do you think of our Church’s picture ?

PS: Thanks to Jim, we now know that our great God is searched more than all the other gods or religions. Thank you flock, for believing.

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28 Comments so far

October 12th, 2006

For I was lost and now my site has been found!

Amen

Praise to the Power of Google.

Or least linking to the higher powers to be.

Gads too many puns :) can be had with this.

October 12th, 2006

Ah I guess not for I have sinned and left not clean linkages.

Living this clean google life is tougher than I thought! No wonder people get tempted by MSN.

;)

October 12th, 2006

#7 : Thou shalt not hotlink.

You just broke that.

October 12th, 2006

see thats what i mean… living this life of non google sin is hard…

:)

mark said:
October 12th, 2006

Haha! I like the picture and the commandments! :D

Hagrin said:
October 12th, 2006

Haha, love the church image especially the MSFT butterflies and the thief haha! Creative!

Gubatron said:
October 12th, 2006

I didn’t get that #7.

How are you supposed to link through google, unless you link to a Google’s Cached version of your page.

Google link’s are straight to the pages it finds, which makes be think..

If you don’t have the stupid google bar installed how does google track clicks? I don’t see any other requests going anywhere on my HTTP monitor,
and they somehow have to see if the searches are effective or not…

Which had me thinking that if there was such a thing as a redirect from google, then I’ll put all my links that way to make it seem that people found my pages through google search

BillGar said:
October 12th, 2006

Why shouldn’t google be used as a verb? I believe that using google as a verb demonstrates to the non-believers that there is a difference between just “doing a search” and using google to do that search.

WTL said:
October 12th, 2006

One must wonder what the great Flying Spaghetti Monster thinks of all this?

daneel said:
October 12th, 2006

i dint get the flock thing. they use yahoo as thier default search engine, y are u thanking them ?

daneel said:
October 12th, 2006

“Thou shalt not manipulate Search Results. Search Engine Optimization is but the work of Microsoft.”

isnt the name if this website “SEO”Pedia ?

Frederic B. van West said:
October 12th, 2006

“6. Thou shalt not misspell.”

“…my sheeps.”

Uh, we use sheep for both singular and plural.

Personally, I think Google is the “Ori.” (obligatory Stargate SG-1 reference.)

October 12th, 2006

#6 Thou shalt not misspell.

André Pena said:
October 13th, 2006

The Grand G forgives you when you misspell and shows you the way… (G knows what you’re looking for better than yourself)

subcorpus said:
October 13th, 2006

hehe …
i like it …
google rocks …

KeepItCool said:
October 13th, 2006

Why are you guys posting in wordpress type blogs instead of blogger.com (google blogs)? :-)

Wenham said:
October 13th, 2006

“I love Google and if loving the Google is wrong I don’t want to be right!”
- Book of Schmidt 5:28

October 13th, 2006

@Wenham, LOL

@keepitcool: because it gives you more flexibility and power.

October 13th, 2006

What is Google?

October 14th, 2006

Which minister be this? (will be cross checked with that minister) Go by the screen name.

October 14th, 2006

#4. Thou shalt remember each passing day and use thy time as an opportunity to gain knowledge of the unknown.

Peru said:
October 18th, 2006

Thou shalt not dare to ever compare Google to Microsoft!

Dan Marius said:
October 31st, 2006

No need, Google will become Microsoft :(

plagiarismwatch said:
November 16th, 2006

I said “thou shalt not plagiarise” first on my plagiarismwatch webblog

November 16th, 2006

How much for the copyright rights then ? :)

Rachit said:
January 6th, 2007

Why is this posted under “funny-stuff”?

It’s all true! The people at the church actually branded the 10 commandments on my posterior during the “certification test”.

Ouch.

resimleri said:
May 17th, 2007

who is the messenger of google religion :)

El Mofo Grande said:
May 18th, 2008

But Microsoft can’t be Satan… 4chan is.

It’s so obvious–they both lead people all over the world/internet into evil, they both spawn demons on a regular basis, they’re both located in Hell but have a tendency to seep out into the rest of the world to spread their evil influence… heck, they even end in the same two letters.

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